Unforgettable

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.    John 14:27

They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.    John 17:16

We are back confronting the WIIFM (What In It For Me) issue I just pointed out in my recent article about relationships; Why Marriages Fail.  I commented on an article, which essentially tried to help people expect less from their spouses and get more from their friends.  The author was trying to give advice on how to fulfill your own needs while preserving your marriage.

The whole thing was written from a selfish point of view.

So…here we go again: Scientist reveals how ANYONE can make themselves unforgettable for all the RIGHT reasons in three simple steps.

A WIIFM Ball?  Full of holes!

WIIFM, right? It’s all about me and how to be in control, how to be loved or at least admired.

 

Aside from the pure selfishness involved, it’s also a color-by-number approach to dealing with people, and that’s just wrong!

First, the scientist/author says you should back up your points in conversation with facts and be sure to repeat yourself three times to be sure you are heard. Should I also throw salt over my left or right shoulder, stand on one foot, and have a clove of garlic in my pocket?

Good communication should be built on facts, tis true. How about we start with making sure we are communicating something worthwhile in the first place? But let’s move on…

Second, surprise them and ask questions. OK, getting warm. This is starting to focus on them not yourself, but the motivation expressed in the article is purely selfish: How I make ME memorable! Surprise them? How about a party-popper? Squirting plastic flower on my lapel? No?

Third, “According to science, the more inspired, motivated and excited your audience feels by what you’re saying, the more likely they are to remember it – and you.”  Again, getting warm, but how do you come up with those motivating and inspiring gems?

FIRST – Stop trying to figure out how to make everyone like you!  There’s no way you can really inspire people without first getting to know them and their needs!  Start with being interested in them first and only!  Take yourself out of the equation completely.  Just be concerned about them!  You can make the most interesting points in the world backed by an encyclopedia of facts and repeated ad nauseum, but if you’re a manipulator and/or an insecure, egotistical jerk, no one will like you!  Period!!

SECOND – This whole step-by-step, color-by-numbers approach to relationships is bullshit!  Planning out specific, individual actions calculated to accomplish a task, a communication is BS (I’m trying to hold my cussing down to once per article)!  Instead, use what I call my Rock Method from my acting days.  Click on the link for the full article.  My essential point in The Rock Method was that having one, powerful motivation is better than having a multitude of individually choreographed choices.  Here’s an excerpt from the article, my favorite example:

I was asked to come to a modeling school to help coach young modeling hopefuls in relating to a television camera. I walked in on an exercise one of the faculty was running.  She was attempting to teach these girls how to enter a car with a dress on, being sure to keep their knees together.  Each girl took her turn, sitting onto a folding chair that represented a car seat.  Each failed as the teacher kept confusing them with multiple techniques and movements.  I asked if I could take a swing at it.  Obviously thinking I couldn’t possibly succeed where she had failed, she told me to try, if I could.

I sat cross-legged on the floor about ten feet in front of the chair and cupped my chin in both hands. Staring intently at the seat, I said, “OK, ladies.  One at a time.”  Giggling, they all got it right in one round.  I dropped a rock in their stream.  They only had one conscious decision to make, not a multitude.

THIRD – While surprising and motivating people is good in itself, I personally do it for the sheer fun of it, not to make an impression so people will like me!  I do it, because I get a kick out of helping other people make their lives better!

See my article, Smart Blond.  I helped this young woman regain her life, and I never even knew it! Only after the term was over and she came to my office to say thank you did I learn what I’d done for her!

That’s it, my friends. It really is that simple; put other people first with no thought of gain for yourself.  That’s it!  Be a Christian, a Little Christ who is interested in the welfare of others first.

Zig Zigler has said that the key to getting everything you want is to help others get what they want. He also cautioned that this was not some magic formula to satisfy your own selfishness.  You don’t always see a return for your efforts.  It isn’t a color-by-numbers solution to life.  It’s an attitude that succeeds over the long haul.

That’s what Christianity is, a long term approach to – not just life – but eternity. It’s the way to have a relationship with God first and foremost.  It’s also the right way to relate to the rest of His creation, our fellow created beings.

When the disciples were arguing about who would get the places of honor in heaven, Jesus simply told them that the first will be last, and the last will be first. Washing each other’s feet, literally and figuratively, is the practice of humility that He wanted them and us to follow.

Being liked by others, first of all, should not be our goal in life, let alone developing a sure-fire three step approach for it. Our goal in life should be having a great relationship with God and using that as our basis for dealing with everyone we meet.